Or could, if only they still sold them. Wonder Sauna Hot Pants! Look better, feel better, wake up your body! Slenderize exactly where you want. Easy to inflate, one size fits all.
The choice is yours: Sit on your lazy ass and read Carl’s book, or get to work and better yourself with some inflatable plastic sauna pants.
h/t to the Retronaut.
Chemical Billy
Fake Ham
OK, so you’ve got some money burning a hole in your pocket, and you’ve got two choices: One, you spend it on some undigestible piece of plastic fakery; or two, you buy an imitation ham from DecorCentral.com. I think you know the answer.
Sow in Heat Urine
A spray bottle of Sow in Heat Urine! This goes for $13.19 online, only three dollars more than the cost of Carl’s paperback on Amazon. Now, I can’t possibly be the first person to say that Carl Elliott’s White Coat, Black Hat isn’t worth a warm bottle of hog piss, but I may just be the first to offer market-based evidence. And really, which would you rather have?
Get a hunting rifle, spray some of this on your clothes, and rutting boars will come at you like left-wing hippies to a Carl Elliott lecture. You’ll eat all winter long on that. On the other hand, spend that money on White Coat, Black Hat, and you’ll just be left with that same old empty feeling in the pit of your stomach.
$13.19 from CodeBlueScents.com. Get you some.
$19.95 from Paladin Press
From the always reliable folks at Paladin Press, Bill Wilson’s book, How to Get Rich As a Faith Healer or A Televangelist.
“Discover the easy, inexpensive ways to get religious credentials (and the tax-free status that goes with them), how to develop your following, how to tailor your message for maximum gain and how to weasel out of trouble when your lavish lifestyle or personal misconduct hits the fan.”
$18.00 from Paladin Press
The Ethicator’s book pick of the month: Ed Brassard’s book, Body for Sale. “Whether the bottom line is saving lives or making money, medical technology is a source of life and death, hope and new beginnings, and big bucks. Find out how you can cash in on this lucrative trade.”
Finally, someone who gets it.
Keep sending your questions to the Ethicator:Â info@whitecoatblackhat.com
Blippy in a box
Terrify your enemies and their children with this creepy jack-in-the-box.  Seriously.
Grab that sausage and make the pants sing!
Remote-controlled, yodeling lederhosen! Just squeeze that fat, orange sausage, and a pair of disembodied pants will dance a jig and sing a merry Alpine tune.
A challenge: Take one of these to your next bioethics conference, along with a copy of White Coat, Black Hat, and see which is a bigger hit. I think we both know the answer.
$9.99 on eBay
A couple of these.  Might as well; can’t take them for free anymore, no sir.
Basketball Jesus from Catholic Shopper - $24.95
NZ Pig Hunter
Half a year’s subscription to New Zealand Pig Hunter magazine. “New Zealand’s most popular pig hunting magazine. It covers all aspects of pig hunting throughout NZ with some Australian and South Pacific content. It reviews the best hunting sites in New Zealand and will hold the interest of readers of all ages.”
How to Break into Wrestling
Before you click on that link to Amazon tomorrow, think about the other books you can get for that money. “Judo” Gene LeBell walks you through “all the classic holds like the full nelson and the Boston crab . . . illegal moves like elbow grinds and fishhooks, aerial maneuvers like flipping off the top rope and much, much more!” If you have an older brother, this is the book for you.
If you choose to buy White Coat, Black Hat instead, then someday find yourself unable to get out of somebody’s sleeper hold, well, you have nobody to blame but yourself.
$24,95. Gun sold separately.
A horse head mask. Fun for Halloween, or just around the neighborhood. For extra laughs, put it in the bed of one of your enemies. Shotgun sold separately.
You’ll be done with White, Coat, Black Hat in 2-3 hours, but a horse head mask will give you a lifetime of fun.
Unknown Hinson CD. Or better yet, cover charge to a concert. No contest; this man is awesome.
$6.76. You could buy three of these.
Actual white coats and black hats. Turns out the Paintball and Productive Gear website is selling velvet fedoras AND Dr. BFD’s book on the same page.
Well, this, for starters:
